Well, hello again!

It's been so long since the last time.. Again..

Again, looking back to my previous posts..

I feel that so much has changed..

So much..

Some I can't even remember who I was referring to..

Some, are not even friends anymore..

Some, are nothing more than friends..

Just like the memes and people on the Internet say

2016 was one hell of a year

It wasn't easy

Things that were unexpected happened

Those that were heartbreaking

Those that were depressing

Those that made me break down and cry

Those that made me feel like I'm not good enough

Those that made me feel things are never getting better

Those that made me neglected all other good things

Those that made me feel happy and grateful

Those that made me feel glad

Those that made me reflect on myself

Those that made me realized I didn't lose it all

Recently, I'm once again troubled by the problems that I cannot solve

I tried to communicate

I don't know if I didn't use the right way to do it

I don't know if it's just because it's me

I know I can't fix it alone

But I'm annoyed by the fact that it's only one-sided

Maybe to them, I'm not worthy of their time, if at all

Honestly, I'm hurt, very much hurt

Not that they care anyway

Haha

SO

I'm trying to get these STUPID things outta my mind

Coz I have some other more important things to do

Coz ain't nobody got time for this

That's my friends and my mum told me haha

So, this, I shall do

Negative things aside

I have a lot more to be grateful for

Believe it or not, I have a boyfriend now!

It took me some time to take it in myself

He made me believe that he won't leave me

Although I still have doubts about the future, he tries his best to assure me of that

And after all the bad I've been through so far

Now I see 

Who are the ones who stayed

Who are the ones who are always with me

Who are the ones who support me

Who are the ones who believes in me

For those who stood by me through my hard times

Whether you know it or not

And I know you probably won't see this

Thank you :)

I'll never make it through without you guys

Lastly

To those that we were once friends

Whether how close or how distant we've been

I wish you good health and peace within

To those that I've wronged

Whether you've let it go or not

I'm sorry and I wish that you could shed some light on me

For I am no perfect person

And I can just as silly to not know what I've done wrong sometimes

Thus, we all need the love of Jesus who is complete love

Know Jesus, Know Love

God bless you all! <3

REVOlution!

I'm so glad that I get to join the REVOLUTION this year!
It sounds like something big and hard, but in fact it's the opposite..
Revolution sounds like bringing a big change..
For the matter of fact, it is, but we start small.. :)

The event was refreshing, I should say?
Listening to the stories of how youths did a change in schools and colleges really moved me..
I kept questioning myself if I would have such a big faith like them..
I was afraid because I never thought I do..
However, I had this feeling that kept asking me to do something about it..
I always wanted to do something, something small will do..

Honestly, I've been low in my spiritual life..
I can clearly see myself at the borderline, it felt like I might just cross the line and join the secular world..
But I didn't know what to do, I only kept going to church and fellowships, sometimes I don't even feel like going..

On second night of REVO, a brother in Christ that I just knew gave me this verses:

14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!'
16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are the children of God,

- Romans 8:14-16 [NASB]

I told him that I've been low and he said that he had this feeling to share this verses..

I guess this might be God's way of reminding me that I am His daughter..

Well, I am His daughter, how could I not do something for Him?

How could I not be confident for He gave me so much?

How could I not communicate with Him?

So, I signed up for REVO, we formed a new group..

To keep the fire burning, we started meeting up the following week, which was last week..

It was hard to come up with a common slot that everyone is okay with, so we decided to have our prayer meeting on Monday morning!

7am, it is not an easy task, for a person who needs a lot of sleep like me..

It requires commitment and dedication.. xD

We didn't know what to do, but we started by blessing our house mates..

On Saturday, I bought egg tarts for my house mates on my floor..

I wrote a note for each of them with Bible verses..

It required a lot of courage, honestly..

What happened were amazing!

A small story to add in before the amazing things happened:

The cleaning auntie came that afternoon (Saturday)..

It was raining so heavily that she couldn't go back..

I wanted to give her a cup of drink, so I made honey and gave it to her to thank her..

We started talking, and I happened to know that she's looking to buy a second hand e-bike..

My friend's friend is selling, so I told her, however, her budget is limited..

So after we talked, I told this to our REVO group..

We started searching for her.. and I asked my friend if she could lower the price..

By God's grace, she said yes, but it was still too high..

So we decided to collect some donations to help the auntie..

It was so amazing that within the time in a day, we got more than we need!

We believe God's working..

By the end of the month, we believe we can help the auntie to get the e-bike! :D

(All this actually happened in about 4 days!)

So, back to the egg tarts..

After talking to the auntie, I went upstairs to prepare to go to church later..

My friend Whatsapp-ed me, showing a photo of the egg tart and my note, asking if it was me..

I started laughing, it turned out that one of my house mates is her course mate.

She was delighted to receive my egg tart although she didn't seem to show it..

This is the 1st..

At night, after I came back home, I found my container in front of my door, with nougats in it attached with a note..

It was from another house mate that I never talked to, she wasn't home so I left the egg tart in front of her door..

The joy was indescribable!

This is the 2nd..

The next day was Sunday..

I asked Rose out to check out a printer that we are thinking to buy..

When I wanted to go out, I found a note on my door..

Another house mate of mine wanted to offer me watermelons in return for my egg tart!

And she left her phone number.. :D

And this is the 3rd..

Thinking of these things puts a smile on my face..

God is so amazing!

He works in mysterious ways..

I wish I could do more to bring love to others, just by some little acts of kindness or caring..

This are the verses that the pastor used to encourage us to step up for Jesus:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

- Deuteronomy 31:6 [NIV]

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

- Joshua 1:9 [NIV]

BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! 

Show Appreciation

I always have this thing about thanking people..
Especially cleaners for our hostels..
Here is what touched me that day..

That morning, I was just going out to my friend's place and I was holding a bag of bananas..
The cleaner was there sweeping the stairs..
She said: "Makan pisang saja ke?"
I replied: "Tak ade lah, ada makan lain juga"
Then she said: "I tau. Kidding je"
I laughed and said: "Thank you ya~"
And so I went off..

I only came back until afternoon at past three o'clock as I had class after going to my friend's place..
And I found the cloth I put in front of my door to block cockroaches and as doormat was nicely folded..
(FYI, I didn't fold the cloth and only put there very simply and it was kind of a mess.. I'm a lazy person, so, yea.. haha)
So, yea, I was touched..
You can say it was her job to clean things up, but I'm quite sure she came before but did nothing about it (but I've never seen her before due to my classes)..

I think, maybe she felt appreciated and helped me to fold my "doormat"..
I hope it was the case..
I hope she felt appreciated..
I hope maybe I made her day..
Cos' she made mine too..

This simple act means so much..

A lot of times, I fear that I take things for granted..
So, I always hope I do not miss to thank people in my life that have done good to me..
No matter how small the matters are..

Show appreciation, it is meaningful to both the thanks giver and the receiver..
It makes the world better too!
I thank God for the ability to show gratitude and appreciation.. :)

认识自己 Knowing oneself

这个学期又参加了Peer Helping Program (PHP),
为什么说又呢？
因为原本在还没来金宝之前就已经参加了两个课程，
但是显然那里的辅导员少给我们做了该做的作业，
而且时隔一年，我们都忘得差不多了，就重新再来吧！

现在上到第三个环节了，不过我就从头开始讲吧

第一个环节，
就自我介绍，跟大家认识熟悉一下
虽然都是朋友，其实很多也是这个学期才开始熟络的

第二个环节，(比较多重点在这里)
这个环节是自我探索，
辅导员要求我们在辅导室里选三样我们觉得喜欢或者是觉得跟自己有联系玩物
我选了那天一进去就一直抓在手上的玩具枪、开始前和朋友拍照带的晚宴式的黑色面具和一只神奇宝贝（Marill）
之后，辅导员, Ms. Mel 要求我们解释选它们的原因
从大家的分享，学习了很多，对朋友有了很多认识

我的解释（大概）：
枪
 - 要保护自己，我需要安全感
 - 自己是个直率的人
 - 虽是保护，但有时候可能会伤害到别人
黑色面具
 - 喜欢黑色，黑色有种神秘感，
 - 面具的功用就是要遮蔽自己，别人看不见；自己仍能看见
 - 因为直率，总觉得很容易被人看透，所以想把一部分的自己隐藏起来
 - 那面具很美啊
神奇宝贝
 - 可爱 （主因）
 - 是个防守能力强的宝贝

解释完了，Ms Mel让我们把玩物根据喜好排好，
我把Marill放在面具后面，枪在旁边

Ms. Mel 对我的见解：
我保护自己而非防守
我想让别人了解，但是又有保留，像只开了一扇窗，只让人探头看却看不完全部
说，其实我有可爱的一面 （-.-）只是不一定让人看见
她说我像洋葱.. (O.O) 需要人一层一层去剥开，但前提是我让他们这么做
说，会这么保护自己是因为非常害怕受到伤害
她说看到我就让她想到 - 复杂

我不解啊
我一直以为自己是个简单的人
至少我想要简单吧
其他的，算还蛮正确的
不过为此，我纠结了差不多一个星期呢

需要改变，但我不知道如何

第三个环节
Ms. Mel 让我们画心目中的英雄
真的想不到了，除了自己，我只想到耶稣了，
所以我画了十字架，说明了主的大爱，还有其他的
蛮开心，可以在朋友面前说明自己跟耶稣的关系
又更认识朋友了，感恩

我总有种PHP过后我们会变成好朋友的感觉
希望能成真....

1st of April

1st of April
April Fool

Doesn't seem to be any different to me..
People would pull pranks on their friends and all..
Somehow, all my friends are too "serious" to actually do things like that..
Should I be happy or not? Haha!

As fun as it sounds, I had a rather serious day..
Settled two presentations today, which require a lot of "seriousness"..

I don't post a lot so, sometimes I tend to "compensate" by posting a few updates in a time.. Haha!
As I mentioned, my good friend got a boyfriend!
And I'm actually quite close with both of them.. Yea, so that's kind of a new experience..
And as it happens, I'm starting to think a lot about relationships..
With no conclusions, of course..

I would say I'm not ready for a relationship, still.. (Have been single the whole time.. xD)
However, at the same time, kinda tired of being alone, taking care of myself, being independent..
Especially when you're away from home and family..
I don't want my family to worry about me, so, always keeping things to myself..
I guess all who are away from home would understand this..
And I know, this is a stage in life, a process that all of us have to go through..

I'll be strong and go through it by myself..
I know I'm strong enough.. :)

Philosophy 101

Do people really change?
Are those changes permanent or temporary?

Sometimes, you'll find that people do change..
I'm not so sure if those changes are permanent though..
However, the core will never change.. That's for sure..

I'm getting more and more comfortable with things as it is now..
I've started not to like changes.. Not major ones, like friends, lifestyle..
There are always times when we have to change as the environment changes or the people around us change..
As all humans do, I need time to adapt to those changes..
I used to be highly adaptive, I still am..
It's just that I can get used to things with my behaviours, my thoughts need more time..

I wonder though..
Why would people change?
Or specifically, I'm asking, why would people change when they get a partner?

I'm experiencing the change of a good friend recently..
The changes are big..
I'm surprised and not so surprised at the same time..

Then I wonder,
will I change that much when I get a partner?
I want to say I won't.. But I'm not sure..
Who knows about the future, right?
Only God knows..

Therefore, I shall continue to observe their behaviours..
That's what a psychologist does, right?
As a future psychologist, I should start practicing.. *wink*

Just some random thoughts..
It has been sometime since I updated..
Been working on assignments like there's no tomorrow..
Finally there's time to rest..
Final exams are coming though..
Guess I just can't relax for so much now.. *sigh*

[I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.] - Philippians 4:13

姐姐

I wrote about my brother before, and now it's my sister..

It has been a long time since we actually spent quality time together..

I miss the times when we could actually play crazily together until I laugh so hard that I couldn't catch my breath..

And my mum would scold us for laughing like mad people and might cause our neighbours to think there's something happened in our house (she said)..

She read the post that I wrote about my brother, then said she's jealous..

Well, don't be..

I know we are not so attached and so close like we used to be anymore (we used to be best buddies~~), you're still my beloved sister..

I know things can never go back to how it was..

We've all grown up..

There's no turning back..

No more Hakuna Matata.. xD

We now have different priorities, facing different people, different situations everyday..

And, I'm gonna be an aunt soon!

There's no way I wouldn't be excited..

I wanna try and observe everything that I learnt from my class on her.. Haha!

But don't worry, there will be no harm.. :P

Remember those times when we will go for a walk after dinner?

And those times when we play The Sims; actually you're the one playing and I play with your hair..

That was my masterpiece! Haha!

I have to say, our age gap does make me missing out a lot of fun times with you guys..

And I went through my high school years without you..

I know we had very different experiences and our times are very different..

But if you were there, how would things turn out to be?

The sad thing that I can never do, is to go to the same school at the same time with you guys..

I don't know why, I always wished to do that..

The matter of actually having siblings in the same school, I wanted to experience that..

And remember you used to say that by the time I continue my higher education, you're going to pay for my bills and we can stay together?

That clearly didn't happen.. Haha!

Then, I went to PJ for foundation..

Initially, I thought we would be able to spend some time together, but clearly I was wrong..

You were so busy working, and you'll be too tired and lazy to go out during weekends..

And why would you choose to spend time with me when you can spend time with him?

And I knew my Jiebe is not only MY Jiebe anymore..

I lived there for a year with minimum involvement of Jiebe in my life..

Of course, she was a great help during the water rationing season.. Haha!

I can never live without that few liters of water..

I do appreciate that..

You know, Jiebe has always been the sister that will fulfill the desires and wants that I have..

Whenever I go out with her, she'll buy me something that I want or I like..

Honestly, I can live without those.. (although I wouldn't mind you buying them for me.. xD)

Even a home cooked meal could satisfy me, I would like to spend time to have a talk..

Heart-to-heart talk..

When was it since we last talk?

By talk, I don't mean talking about daily hassles, what silly dramas you've been watching to release some stress;

I mean something deeper, what have you been up to, what has been troubling you, and how are you..

I read your blog just now, and then I realised that it has been such a long time since I last read your blog..

The latest post was last year's Christmas season..

You said you don't know what happened to us..

I don't know either..

But you have a life of your own now, and you know daddy isn't the kind of guy that will call randomly just to see how you're doing..

And you don't call that often too.. At least to me..

Gebe always said that both of you have some sort of connection that we don't have..

Well, I couldn't help that either.. Guess that's why..

Things we talk about are just some silly dramas and some other random things..

Well, it's already a long post..

No matter what you think, I want you to know that I love you..

And I appreciate what you did for me..

It's different with you and with Gebe, so don't compare.. (Don't care if you are comparing or not..)

I've started to pray more lately, and I've been praying for you..

Go to church if you might..

Lastly, Jiebe 是 Gazat! :P