Well, hello again!

It's been so long since the last time.. Again..

Again, looking back to my previous posts..

I feel that so much has changed..

So much..

Some I can't even remember who I was referring to..

Some, are not even friends anymore..

Some, are nothing more than friends..

Just like the memes and people on the Internet say

2016 was one hell of a year

It wasn't easy

Things that were unexpected happened

Those that were heartbreaking

Those that were depressing

Those that made me break down and cry

Those that made me feel like I'm not good enough

Those that made me feel things are never getting better

Those that made me neglected all other good things

Those that made me feel happy and grateful

Those that made me feel glad

Those that made me reflect on myself

Those that made me realized I didn't lose it all

Recently, I'm once again troubled by the problems that I cannot solve

I tried to communicate

I don't know if I didn't use the right way to do it

I don't know if it's just because it's me

I know I can't fix it alone

But I'm annoyed by the fact that it's only one-sided

Maybe to them, I'm not worthy of their time, if at all

Honestly, I'm hurt, very much hurt

Not that they care anyway

Haha

SO

I'm trying to get these STUPID things outta my mind

Coz I have some other more important things to do

Coz ain't nobody got time for this

That's my friends and my mum told me haha

So, this, I shall do

Negative things aside

I have a lot more to be grateful for

Believe it or not, I have a boyfriend now!

It took me some time to take it in myself

He made me believe that he won't leave me

Although I still have doubts about the future, he tries his best to assure me of that

And after all the bad I've been through so far

Now I see 

Who are the ones who stayed

Who are the ones who are always with me

Who are the ones who support me

Who are the ones who believes in me

For those who stood by me through my hard times

Whether you know it or not

And I know you probably won't see this

Thank you :)

I'll never make it through without you guys

Lastly

To those that we were once friends

Whether how close or how distant we've been

I wish you good health and peace within

To those that I've wronged

Whether you've let it go or not

I'm sorry and I wish that you could shed some light on me

For I am no perfect person

And I can just as silly to not know what I've done wrong sometimes

Thus, we all need the love of Jesus who is complete love

Know Jesus, Know Love

God bless you all! <3

REVOlution!

I'm so glad that I get to join the REVOLUTION this year!
It sounds like something big and hard, but in fact it's the opposite..
Revolution sounds like bringing a big change..
For the matter of fact, it is, but we start small.. :)

The event was refreshing, I should say?
Listening to the stories of how youths did a change in schools and colleges really moved me..
I kept questioning myself if I would have such a big faith like them..
I was afraid because I never thought I do..
However, I had this feeling that kept asking me to do something about it..
I always wanted to do something, something small will do..

Honestly, I've been low in my spiritual life..
I can clearly see myself at the borderline, it felt like I might just cross the line and join the secular world..
But I didn't know what to do, I only kept going to church and fellowships, sometimes I don't even feel like going..

On second night of REVO, a brother in Christ that I just knew gave me this verses:

14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!'
16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are the children of God,

- Romans 8:14-16 [NASB]

I told him that I've been low and he said that he had this feeling to share this verses..

I guess this might be God's way of reminding me that I am His daughter..

Well, I am His daughter, how could I not do something for Him?

How could I not be confident for He gave me so much?

How could I not communicate with Him?

So, I signed up for REVO, we formed a new group..

To keep the fire burning, we started meeting up the following week, which was last week..

It was hard to come up with a common slot that everyone is okay with, so we decided to have our prayer meeting on Monday morning!

7am, it is not an easy task, for a person who needs a lot of sleep like me..

It requires commitment and dedication.. xD

We didn't know what to do, but we started by blessing our house mates..

On Saturday, I bought egg tarts for my house mates on my floor..

I wrote a note for each of them with Bible verses..

It required a lot of courage, honestly..

What happened were amazing!

A small story to add in before the amazing things happened:

The cleaning auntie came that afternoon (Saturday)..

It was raining so heavily that she couldn't go back..

I wanted to give her a cup of drink, so I made honey and gave it to her to thank her..

We started talking, and I happened to know that she's looking to buy a second hand e-bike..

My friend's friend is selling, so I told her, however, her budget is limited..

So after we talked, I told this to our REVO group..

We started searching for her.. and I asked my friend if she could lower the price..

By God's grace, she said yes, but it was still too high..

So we decided to collect some donations to help the auntie..

It was so amazing that within the time in a day, we got more than we need!

We believe God's working..

By the end of the month, we believe we can help the auntie to get the e-bike! :D

(All this actually happened in about 4 days!)

So, back to the egg tarts..

After talking to the auntie, I went upstairs to prepare to go to church later..

My friend Whatsapp-ed me, showing a photo of the egg tart and my note, asking if it was me..

I started laughing, it turned out that one of my house mates is her course mate.

She was delighted to receive my egg tart although she didn't seem to show it..

This is the 1st..

At night, after I came back home, I found my container in front of my door, with nougats in it attached with a note..

It was from another house mate that I never talked to, she wasn't home so I left the egg tart in front of her door..

The joy was indescribable!

This is the 2nd..

The next day was Sunday..

I asked Rose out to check out a printer that we are thinking to buy..

When I wanted to go out, I found a note on my door..

Another house mate of mine wanted to offer me watermelons in return for my egg tart!

And she left her phone number.. :D

And this is the 3rd..

Thinking of these things puts a smile on my face..

God is so amazing!

He works in mysterious ways..

I wish I could do more to bring love to others, just by some little acts of kindness or caring..

This are the verses that the pastor used to encourage us to step up for Jesus:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

- Deuteronomy 31:6 [NIV]

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

- Joshua 1:9 [NIV]

BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! 

Show Appreciation

I always have this thing about thanking people..
Especially cleaners for our hostels..
Here is what touched me that day..

That morning, I was just going out to my friend's place and I was holding a bag of bananas..
The cleaner was there sweeping the stairs..
She said: "Makan pisang saja ke?"
I replied: "Tak ade lah, ada makan lain juga"
Then she said: "I tau. Kidding je"
I laughed and said: "Thank you ya~"
And so I went off..

I only came back until afternoon at past three o'clock as I had class after going to my friend's place..
And I found the cloth I put in front of my door to block cockroaches and as doormat was nicely folded..
(FYI, I didn't fold the cloth and only put there very simply and it was kind of a mess.. I'm a lazy person, so, yea.. haha)
So, yea, I was touched..
You can say it was her job to clean things up, but I'm quite sure she came before but did nothing about it (but I've never seen her before due to my classes)..

I think, maybe she felt appreciated and helped me to fold my "doormat"..
I hope it was the case..
I hope she felt appreciated..
I hope maybe I made her day..
Cos' she made mine too..

This simple act means so much..

A lot of times, I fear that I take things for granted..
So, I always hope I do not miss to thank people in my life that have done good to me..
No matter how small the matters are..

Show appreciation, it is meaningful to both the thanks giver and the receiver..
It makes the world better too!
I thank God for the ability to show gratitude and appreciation.. :)

认识自己 Knowing oneself

这个学期又参加了Peer Helping Program (PHP),
为什么说又呢？
因为原本在还没来金宝之前就已经参加了两个课程，
但是显然那里的辅导员少给我们做了该做的作业，
而且时隔一年，我们都忘得差不多了，就重新再来吧！

现在上到第三个环节了，不过我就从头开始讲吧

第一个环节，
就自我介绍，跟大家认识熟悉一下
虽然都是朋友，其实很多也是这个学期才开始熟络的

第二个环节，(比较多重点在这里)
这个环节是自我探索，
辅导员要求我们在辅导室里选三样我们觉得喜欢或者是觉得跟自己有联系玩物
我选了那天一进去就一直抓在手上的玩具枪、开始前和朋友拍照带的晚宴式的黑色面具和一只神奇宝贝（Marill）
之后，辅导员, Ms. Mel 要求我们解释选它们的原因
从大家的分享，学习了很多，对朋友有了很多认识

我的解释（大概）：
枪
 - 要保护自己，我需要安全感
 - 自己是个直率的人
 - 虽是保护，但有时候可能会伤害到别人
黑色面具
 - 喜欢黑色，黑色有种神秘感，
 - 面具的功用就是要遮蔽自己，别人看不见；自己仍能看见
 - 因为直率，总觉得很容易被人看透，所以想把一部分的自己隐藏起来
 - 那面具很美啊
神奇宝贝
 - 可爱 （主因）
 - 是个防守能力强的宝贝

解释完了，Ms Mel让我们把玩物根据喜好排好，
我把Marill放在面具后面，枪在旁边

Ms. Mel 对我的见解：
我保护自己而非防守
我想让别人了解，但是又有保留，像只开了一扇窗，只让人探头看却看不完全部
说，其实我有可爱的一面 （-.-）只是不一定让人看见
她说我像洋葱.. (O.O) 需要人一层一层去剥开，但前提是我让他们这么做
说，会这么保护自己是因为非常害怕受到伤害
她说看到我就让她想到 - 复杂

我不解啊
我一直以为自己是个简单的人
至少我想要简单吧
其他的，算还蛮正确的
不过为此，我纠结了差不多一个星期呢

需要改变，但我不知道如何

第三个环节
Ms. Mel 让我们画心目中的英雄
真的想不到了，除了自己，我只想到耶稣了，
所以我画了十字架，说明了主的大爱，还有其他的
蛮开心，可以在朋友面前说明自己跟耶稣的关系
又更认识朋友了，感恩

我总有种PHP过后我们会变成好朋友的感觉
希望能成真....

1st of April

1st of April
April Fool

Doesn't seem to be any different to me..
People would pull pranks on their friends and all..
Somehow, all my friends are too "serious" to actually do things like that..
Should I be happy or not? Haha!

As fun as it sounds, I had a rather serious day..
Settled two presentations today, which require a lot of "seriousness"..

I don't post a lot so, sometimes I tend to "compensate" by posting a few updates in a time.. Haha!
As I mentioned, my good friend got a boyfriend!
And I'm actually quite close with both of them.. Yea, so that's kind of a new experience..
And as it happens, I'm starting to think a lot about relationships..
With no conclusions, of course..

I would say I'm not ready for a relationship, still.. (Have been single the whole time.. xD)
However, at the same time, kinda tired of being alone, taking care of myself, being independent..
Especially when you're away from home and family..
I don't want my family to worry about me, so, always keeping things to myself..
I guess all who are away from home would understand this..
And I know, this is a stage in life, a process that all of us have to go through..

I'll be strong and go through it by myself..
I know I'm strong enough.. :)

Philosophy 101

Do people really change?
Are those changes permanent or temporary?

Sometimes, you'll find that people do change..
I'm not so sure if those changes are permanent though..
However, the core will never change.. That's for sure..

I'm getting more and more comfortable with things as it is now..
I've started not to like changes.. Not major ones, like friends, lifestyle..
There are always times when we have to change as the environment changes or the people around us change..
As all humans do, I need time to adapt to those changes..
I used to be highly adaptive, I still am..
It's just that I can get used to things with my behaviours, my thoughts need more time..

I wonder though..
Why would people change?
Or specifically, I'm asking, why would people change when they get a partner?

I'm experiencing the change of a good friend recently..
The changes are big..
I'm surprised and not so surprised at the same time..

Then I wonder,
will I change that much when I get a partner?
I want to say I won't.. But I'm not sure..
Who knows about the future, right?
Only God knows..

Therefore, I shall continue to observe their behaviours..
That's what a psychologist does, right?
As a future psychologist, I should start practicing.. *wink*

Just some random thoughts..
It has been sometime since I updated..
Been working on assignments like there's no tomorrow..
Finally there's time to rest..
Final exams are coming though..
Guess I just can't relax for so much now.. *sigh*

[I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.] - Philippians 4:13

姐姐

I wrote about my brother before, and now it's my sister..

It has been a long time since we actually spent quality time together..

I miss the times when we could actually play crazily together until I laugh so hard that I couldn't catch my breath..

And my mum would scold us for laughing like mad people and might cause our neighbours to think there's something happened in our house (she said)..

She read the post that I wrote about my brother, then said she's jealous..

Well, don't be..

I know we are not so attached and so close like we used to be anymore (we used to be best buddies~~), you're still my beloved sister..

I know things can never go back to how it was..

We've all grown up..

There's no turning back..

No more Hakuna Matata.. xD

We now have different priorities, facing different people, different situations everyday..

And, I'm gonna be an aunt soon!

There's no way I wouldn't be excited..

I wanna try and observe everything that I learnt from my class on her.. Haha!

But don't worry, there will be no harm.. :P

Remember those times when we will go for a walk after dinner?

And those times when we play The Sims; actually you're the one playing and I play with your hair..

That was my masterpiece! Haha!

I have to say, our age gap does make me missing out a lot of fun times with you guys..

And I went through my high school years without you..

I know we had very different experiences and our times are very different..

But if you were there, how would things turn out to be?

The sad thing that I can never do, is to go to the same school at the same time with you guys..

I don't know why, I always wished to do that..

The matter of actually having siblings in the same school, I wanted to experience that..

And remember you used to say that by the time I continue my higher education, you're going to pay for my bills and we can stay together?

That clearly didn't happen.. Haha!

Then, I went to PJ for foundation..

Initially, I thought we would be able to spend some time together, but clearly I was wrong..

You were so busy working, and you'll be too tired and lazy to go out during weekends..

And why would you choose to spend time with me when you can spend time with him?

And I knew my Jiebe is not only MY Jiebe anymore..

I lived there for a year with minimum involvement of Jiebe in my life..

Of course, she was a great help during the water rationing season.. Haha!

I can never live without that few liters of water..

I do appreciate that..

You know, Jiebe has always been the sister that will fulfill the desires and wants that I have..

Whenever I go out with her, she'll buy me something that I want or I like..

Honestly, I can live without those.. (although I wouldn't mind you buying them for me.. xD)

Even a home cooked meal could satisfy me, I would like to spend time to have a talk..

Heart-to-heart talk..

When was it since we last talk?

By talk, I don't mean talking about daily hassles, what silly dramas you've been watching to release some stress;

I mean something deeper, what have you been up to, what has been troubling you, and how are you..

I read your blog just now, and then I realised that it has been such a long time since I last read your blog..

The latest post was last year's Christmas season..

You said you don't know what happened to us..

I don't know either..

But you have a life of your own now, and you know daddy isn't the kind of guy that will call randomly just to see how you're doing..

And you don't call that often too.. At least to me..

Gebe always said that both of you have some sort of connection that we don't have..

Well, I couldn't help that either.. Guess that's why..

Things we talk about are just some silly dramas and some other random things..

Well, it's already a long post..

No matter what you think, I want you to know that I love you..

And I appreciate what you did for me..

It's different with you and with Gebe, so don't compare.. (Don't care if you are comparing or not..)

I've started to pray more lately, and I've been praying for you..

Go to church if you might..

Lastly, Jiebe 是 Gazat! :P

星期六晚上

今晚去了大专团契..
除了揭晓我们的小天使，还举行了欢送仪式..
要离开的人总共有15个，但是在场的只有有9个..
都是要去实习的学生和一些要毕业了的学生..
他们在台上排成了一排..

每个人都被要求要分享感言..
对实习生而言，可能离别情怀并没有那么深，
因为一个学期后他们依然会回来..
但是毕业生，毕业了，就离开了..
会否再见就是个未知数..

我才认识他们一个学期呢..
有一些根本就不认识..
他们就要离开了..

坐在台下，我多少有一点被那不舍的心情感染..
让我不禁想，三年后，我是否也会如此依依不舍?
台上的他们的感受，是现在在台下的我所不能理解的..
站在台上望下来的时候，看见的是什么?
感受到的是什么?

欢送会一办，就明显地倒数着他们呆在这里的日子了..
复杂的心情是，一边渴望着离开、去展开的旅程和新的生活；另一边却是依依不舍啊..
离别从来都不是容易的..

说些开心的事吧~
我的小天使即使在最后一天还是给了我一个礼物~
本来应该是小凡人回礼的，结果她给我的礼物是多么的美好啊!
跟我的手工礼物比起来，我的逊毙了.. ><! (想不到居然会用这个词.. 多久没用了啊!)

一直都想着要个闹钟呢，
一来，平时看时间就不需要用手机还是电脑啦!
二来，像手机坏掉的时刻，有闹钟就不用担心起不了床啦!

超感恩! (虽然华人迷信说不要送钟给人.. =.=)
可是这个闹钟就是个铁铮铮的好礼物啊!!
大爱!!! 感恩!!!

该睡觉了.. 明天还有主日崇拜呢~
刚好! 马来西亚，国庆日快乐! xD

哥哥

今天想写华文了..
总觉得，华文比较能够表达我的心情..
虽然文笔没有很好.. ><!

今天，跟Andrea跑完步，买好车票后，去帮哥哥搬家了..
九月，他还会留在同一个小镇，可却是另外一端..
收拾的时候，并没有觉得什么..

回家后，我开始有了一种失落感..
我来金宝一个学期了，一来到就有哥哥的陪伴..

话说，很多人都说爸爸是前世的情人..
哥哥呢?
我不知道我的爸爸是不是我的前世情人..
虽然我觉得应该找一个像我爸爸的人~
可是现在，我认为我哥哥也像是情人~

肚子饿了，他可以煮东西给我吃 (虽然不常 xD)..
懒惰了，他可以送食物给我..
无聊了，我们聊天..
累了，就睡他的床..
而且，在他面前可以肆无忌惮，不顾形象啊!
(这不是网络上常说的，能够很舒服地跟一个人在一起吗? =P)
有问题，我们可以谈，他总是能让我有所领悟..

他疼我，有时候甚至宠我，
可是有分寸啦，太宠也是不好的~ xD

可能因为，一来到这里就有他了..
就开始依赖他了~ ><!
实在是不行啊!

虽然他要离开去别的地方工作是无可避免的，
我一直以来也都知道，还以为我不会有什么感觉呢~
但离别在际，原来我还是需要一点时间去调适..
想想，很多我平常跟他一起做的事情，就不能做了..
以后经过他住过的家，就再也不能好奇，他在不在家、是不是在睡觉了..

我会想念你的, 哥哥~
像个男朋友的哥哥~!
我知道不一定每个哥哥都像你一样的~
所以我会好好珍惜!

祝你一切顺利! 上帝赐福给你哟! Muacks! xD

I love you!

Simple Simple Me

Simple like a baby~ :P

I'm not sure how many of you people know about that..
Maybe some..
What I think about myself is - I'm SIMPLE..

Simple in a way that I'm not stupid, of course..
Simple in a way that I'll not do a plot behind your back, I don't know how to..
Simple in a way that I'll not know if you are plotting against me..
Simple in a way that I'll trust you since the day I met you, until you prove me wrong..
Simple in a way that I'll not worry if anyone is plotting against me..

Yea, maybe you can say that I'm stupid or not using my brain or whatsoever people can say..
Yea, I might not be using my brain, I don't think much about how I treat people..
I don't want to.. Or it's just I'm lazy to..
To think so much about each person that I've met, that what those fellas have in mind of me, is just so TIRING!

I know human can be complicated, like really really complicated and having a lot of conflicts..
I won't know if something that someone does is planned or it's an accident..
I don't care..
You can say I'm selfish, because as long as whatever you do doesn't harm me, I don't freaking care!

I've always thought that we have to treat people sincerely..
Although there are unlovable people, we don't need to like them, we just have to love them..
LIKING is chemistry, LOVE is an act..
Be easier said than done..
I'm still learning..

Truth be told, sometimes, I hate certain traits of certain people, but I still try my best to communicate with them sincerely..
Somehow this comes easily to me, because I tend to forget their annoying traits for a while..
(Unless the traits are just annoying enough that I can't forget.. [not proud of that])
Conclusion, if you heard me complaining about certain people's trait but I still seem fine interacting with them, I'm NOT faking it..
I forget for a while..

Another thing is, you might know some annoying or not-so-good things that people done to other people..
And you want to warn me about it..
Unless you want to me stay far away from those people, don't tell me..
Don't even give a hint..
If you wanna tell, tell everything; if not, don't show me even an expression..
I don't want to put on high guards when I come into contact with them, worrying that they might do something harmful to me..
Your intention might be good.. But it'll jeopardize our friendship..
And by the end of the day, who are we to judge?

And somehow, I tend to stay away from big troubles..
I mean like, they don't really come to me..
At least, I've been in this way for as long as I have lived..

You know, when you treat people sincerely, they act the same..
This has been proved to be true, to me, so far..

I don't like faking, as I, myself already hate fakers..
And I like being "brainless" around my friends..
Well, that's what being with friends about, right?
And I'm just too lazy to think too much.. (But I like to talk about deep stuffs like life or whatsoever..)
So, yea..

A relationship that tires you, will not bring much happiness..
[Random quotes that I came up with, yet to be proven, quite confident that it is true.. XD]

A Sudden Realization

Haven't been updating my status..
Started my degree in May in Kampar.. Somewhere further from home compared to PJ..
At the same time, no friends except for Andrea and Rose..
A total strange place..

I had quite a hard time adjusting to the environment here..
Thank God that my brother is here, which makes things easier..

After talking to Rose about my difficulties in adjusting, I almost changed immediately from sad and emotional to cheerful and happy..
She said she was shocked to see someone change that fast..

Soon, I'm always the happy and cheerful girl in the class..
I think a lot of people perceive me that way now.. I mean in class, like for those who know me..

And for something what I'll definitely do is find a church here..
Church friends back in PJ said they know someone here, so suggested me to go to that church..
Well, not bad.. People in the church are friendly enough..
However, I'm always quiet in church..
Of course, when I get closer with them I tend to talk more, but in a very very slow pace..

I feel so different being in different settings..
It's like in campus, I'll automatically turn on the happy mode while in church I'll turn on the quiet mode..
It's so two-sided and it's so different..
Too different that I feel so weird and it should be like this..
It's like either I'm wearing a mask in campus or church..
But they are all me.. Just totally different feelings..

Tonight, on the way home after group devotion, I suddenly realized why..
I think I'm an introvert.. Although people will see me as an extrovert..
Somehow I like the surroundings to have some sounds, not noise..
I like being with myself..
No matter there are people beside me or not.. No matter we are talking or not..
Now, there are people that you can be comfortable with even when you don't talk and the opposite..

I don't like awkward silence.. (And I can feel awkwardness easily even when people don't think it is..)
Maybe they don't see it, but whenever Rose doesn't talk, I feel that she has a lot of things inside but she doesn't want to say them out or it's just she can't (maybe we couldn't understand)..
So, I tend to talk a lot with them to make myself feel not so weird..
Eventually, I feel tired after everyday's interactions..
It's a different case in church, people talk a lot.. It's like they don't stop talking..
And I'll just listen.. I'll respond or speak when I need to or when I feel like it..

I need to adjust myself..

When the pressure of academic comes, it's in a way overwhelming..
It's just I tend to avoid it.. And things get worse..
Problems coming, but I'll face it..
With God's help, nothing is impossible.. :)

2014 Late night post..

Late night post..

I know it's late.. But I'm still up..
Basically doing nothing, but not feel like going to sleep yet..

Just wrote a post with mixed Mandarin and English..
About a friend of mine, no special meaning..
But he kinda came into my mind and got me thinking.. something..

2013 has been quite a good year..
I had a lot of new experiences..
Like university life, National Service life, life without parents and a lot more..
I learnt a lot..

2014 has just started..
I hope it will be a good year for me too..
Continue to learn..
Continue to live as who I should be..

We'll never know what tomorrow reveals..
Let's just keep our faith and hopes on..
Our God is with us every day..
May God bless everyone..

有一个人 There's a person

Do you or did you ever have that one person that does so much for you?
And he actually has almost everything and had done almost everything that can make you fall in love with him?
But you never did..

So, this time I feel like writing about him..
Or, more precisely, what seems right to be done..
So, here it goes..

有一个人, 因为一个人似乎改变了很多..

有一个人, 可以因为一点点的东西就吃醋..

有一个人, 可以那个人说要, 就千里迢迢飞奔过来..

有一个人, 可以不顾什么, 只想满足那个人的要求..

有一个人, 会因为那个人的一句话还是那个人的一件事情彻夜难眠; 即使连那个人都不觉得有什么大不了..

有一个人, 会比妈妈还唠叨, 说要好好照顾自己..

有一个人, 会因为那个人不在, 对什么都提不起兴趣..

有一个人, 傻傻的, 那个人说什么, ta都相信..

有一个人, 傻傻等着那个人, 说也在等时间冲淡一切..

那个人, 说第一次认真喜欢上一个人..

那个人, 说吃醋已经变得自然..

那个人, 问 你真的过来啊? ta就说 你不是要?

那个人, 对方在雨天说想吃冰, 就真的要带ta去..

那个人, 为了计划帮ta庆祝生日, 烦恼失眠..

那个人, 总是担心ta生病, 一直叫ta好好照顾自己..

那个人, 说, ta 喜欢ta..

即使, 打从一开始就拒绝了ta;

即使, 朋友们都一直劝ta放弃;

即使, 过了将近五年;

“你们怎么说都是没用的,我就是这样了..”

曾经, 有人说闲语,

ta居然说: 就是因为这些, 你才是你, 你不这样就不是你了..

有人说被爱是幸福的, 爱人是辛苦的..

明白了..

一个人, 能够接受连你自己都不太接受得到的..

还能说什么?

If you've met a guy like this, what would you do? What can be done?

Reflections

I read my friend's blog and found out that how she actually thought of me..
It's kinda sad, she didn't really mentioned it but obviously it's me, I know it..
However, the main reason that I'm sad is that what she said is right..
Her words showed me what I did wrong..

She wrote about swearing habits today..
I don't think I have that habit, because I don't really use any really offensive words..
While the others, I think really need some improvements..
As what is mentioned in the Scripture,

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)..

I admit I am having a hard time doing this..
I can have myself not saying swearing words, but when it comes to not saying something unnecessary, I can hardly do that..

I'll try to improve myself, maybe anyone can remind me?

Truth be told, it is really kinda hard for me to keep on track to study The Scripture..
It's like anything else always appear more interesting when it comes to reading Bible..

Lord Jesus, I need Your help and I need You to be in my life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Thinking back about myself..

Sometimes, I think.. I really care too much..
I just can't get rid of this bad habit..
I care too much..
Seeing others talking happily beside me, but I can't blend in, I feel something inside..
I can feel the bit of sadness deep down in me..
Part of me tells me not to care.. Just forget it.. Ignore them..
But I can't help.. I just don't like to be alone..

Then, I begin to miss the old me..
The me that used to have friends around.. Always..
And only be alone when I needed to be..
Can always get a friend whenever I want(not really but it was more or less like that..)..

I think I've changed quite a lot since I got here..
I'm more aggressive than I used to be..
More irrational..
More impulsive..
More idiotic..
More emotional..
More regrets..

I wonder how I got here..
How I got the version of "me" right now..
Well, I don't really like the version of "me" right now..
It's stupid..
It sounds stupid too..
I actually liked the "me" in the beginning..
But as the time goes, I found out that I like the old "me" better..

Well, I got a lot of shortcomings..
I'll learn and improve them..
Truth be told, I was shocked to hear that someone actually hates me..
Like, sincerely..
I didn't thought about that..
Well, I know that someone's going to hate me for who I am, but it is still kind of shocking to actually hear the truth..

Well, I've found myself more detestable than ever these days..
Maybe I am now using sociological imagination to see myself from other people's eyes..
The more I think, the more I don't understand some of the people that actually willing to be my friends..
I think, my friends must have a lot of patience.. Like really a lot..
I really thank God for giving me all these friends..
And I sincerely hope that our friendship can really lasts..

And maybe when two persons are very alike that they can't actually stand each other..
And maybe from the person that is like you, you can figure out how others feel when you treat them the same way you being treated by the people like you..
Hmm.. A lot of theories huh..

Well, my life is going to be filled with theories sooner or later..
So, deal with it..

And I've decided to be back to the part of me that I missed..
The more rational me..
Being rational is just so enough for me now.. At least..
Wish me the best~

Cry?

I don't usually cry..
I only cried because of family, or Jesus..
Besides, I only cried because of friends..

It's like I always do the wrong things in friendship..
It's not that I betrayed them or what..
It's that, my words, always be the sword that hurt my friends..
Although I didn't intend to do that..
Things just happened like that..

I hate myself for that..
Maybe, some people hate me for that too..
Because, I don't care about other's feeling when I say something..
And I claim that as being honest and straight..
However, I'm being straight without considering how my words may hurt people..

I once saw a post, saying that, sometimes, people don't need you to be honest..
Yea.. I think I may as well just keep my mouth shut..

Whenever I did something wrong, I can hardly say it..
It's like "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"..
Maybe I didn't have enough to say it..
I wanted to..

I always think that writing it out will be easier and better..
However, I found that the fact is another way round..
Through writing, people can't feel your real feelings and even your attitude..
Like, who knows what you are thinking when you are typing..
It's like it's better to say it out..

But whenever I wanted to talk,
they didn't want to hear..
So, my courage just vanished the minute when they refuse to hear me out..
Maybe they are trying to have a time of their own..
No matter what it is..

I need to learn to be braver..
Tell them I'm sorry..

Bad Mood Night

Tonight, I'm having a weird bad mood night..

I actually wanted to do some tutorials,
study some notes
and go to sleep..

But, I don't know what actually happened that makes me not feeling normal..

I'm not feeling happy.. That's all..

Maybe some sleep will make me better..

My head is aching a little..
The weather is torturing..

Water, don't you ever leave me again!

It's 2013

Well, just posted in mandarin..

I'm close to 18 now..

Yea.. Graduated from high school..
Got my SPM result slip..
It's a good result, but not good enough.. For me..

I've always wanted to glorify God..
I wanted to prove that I can do it..
With God, I can do it..
Being the only one to take BK in my school.. I'm proud..
Taking Bible Knowledge is not a burden..
I hoped to score in BK..
But I didn't..
And I was disappointed..
But I never regretted.. I'm still proud..

People are saying I'm good..
But, I'm the only one that knows, I'm not..
Totally not..

A few days before getting the result slip, I was still in the National Service camp..
It's Bumimas, Sibujaya in Sibu..
Great memories there..
I've met great friends..

It is really like what people said..
From the beginning, I don't want to be there..
Wanted to go home so much that I cried for a few times..
For a not so sentimental person like me, crying for like 3 times is kinda many..

I felt so alone..
Because didn't meet some people that I think that can really share my happiness and sadness..
I thank God that it didn't last very long until I found some friends of my kind..
We've really been through a lot..
Happiness, sadness, loneliness, sickness and all..
I want to thank my friends there too..
Thanks for being my friends.. & being with me when I need them..

Our time there is shorter than the others.. It's only 2 months and a half..
But I'm glad I came..
Friends, you'll always be in my mind..
I'll cherish the sweet and precious memories..

People said we'll wish to stay longer..
For me, I only wished I could stay with them longer..

After I'm back, I really miss the times in there..
Because, it is really hakuna matata..
Once I'm out, I need to worry about my future and all..
And making decisions for my future is so hard..
Making decisions like, where to go and what course to take are life-changing decisions..
Once you made your choice, it's like there's no turning back..
Right or wrong, you'll have to deal with it..

Right, you face all the problems and tests that come along..
Wrong, you waste your time and go to those that are right..

And I'm so emotional these days..
Hmm.. What to do?

Pray to the Almighty God and He'll lend His hands..
Praise to the Lord that He is gracious, merciful and full of love..
Jesus, help me to love you more.. <3

找回久违部落格的感叹..

只知道很久没有来看我的部落格了..

没想到,已经一年多了..

看回以前写的东西..

就看到了自己的成长..

也看到了所谓的事过境迁..

也看到了自己以前的英文程度好像比较高.. xD

有一些事情,已经被我遗忘了..

越长大越觉得, 很多东西真的需要把它们记下来..

因为人的脑好像真的装不下这么多回忆..

或许,

这一些回忆就是会慢慢地沉到记忆最深处..

没有特定的人事物勾起这些回忆,

它就永远沉睡..

看回以往的信息或照片,

一切能够储存回忆的东西..

都会让我深深明白物是人非这个成语..

感叹..

人生就是如此..

A visit to Perpikat~~ ^^

Wow~~ ^^ A happy day~~
Went to Perpikat with the Interact club~~
The kids are just CUTE!!! They are happy to see us too~
Wow~~ I don't know what to say~~
While waiting for the computer to set up, we introduced ourselves.... I can't remember their names, though....
Then we watched the Bugs Bunny~ (Am i right??)
Childhood memories~~ London Bridge after that~~
The little boy that i paired up with is so cute~~!!! Diana said he's chubby~~ ^^
The boy, Phoebe and I made a group.....
Then, after a round of the bridge, he told he was tired.... I don't think he is, though....
We had supper after that, i took a photo with him~ He's kind of senge~ Haha~~

 Maybe not that cute in this photo~ but he is... He was still enjoying his bread with kaya~~

This is another boy~ He likes to take photo with us~ And gets shy after that~
He showed the "gesture"? of the naruto one~ Then he asked us if he's good~ Ha~
Then, we laughed and clapped for him~
Then, we had a several dances, including the chick dance~ ^^ (with memories~ but the one i learned was different from theirs....) Never mind, we had a great time~
Another boy took a picture of us (Welson, Diana & me)~
After that, we played another type of London Bridge~ ^^
The last game was (i don't know the name, maybe it doesn't even have one~ xP) passing a doll all around then answer the things that were asked....
Like, they asked us to say a kind of animal when we got the doll.... (It's a Stitch~~!!)
We distributed a packet of cupcakes? and drinks to them~
Then, it's the end of the visit~~
Wish i can give a visit again~
A good experience~~ ^^