A Sudden Realization

Haven't been updating my status..
Started my degree in May in Kampar.. Somewhere further from home compared to PJ..
At the same time, no friends except for Andrea and Rose..
A total strange place..

I had quite a hard time adjusting to the environment here..
Thank God that my brother is here, which makes things easier..

After talking to Rose about my difficulties in adjusting, I almost changed immediately from sad and emotional to cheerful and happy..
She said she was shocked to see someone change that fast..

Soon, I'm always the happy and cheerful girl in the class..
I think a lot of people perceive me that way now.. I mean in class, like for those who know me..

And for something what I'll definitely do is find a church here..
Church friends back in PJ said they know someone here, so suggested me to go to that church..
Well, not bad.. People in the church are friendly enough..
However, I'm always quiet in church..
Of course, when I get closer with them I tend to talk more, but in a very very slow pace..

I feel so different being in different settings..
It's like in campus, I'll automatically turn on the happy mode while in church I'll turn on the quiet mode..
It's so two-sided and it's so different..
Too different that I feel so weird and it should be like this..
It's like either I'm wearing a mask in campus or church..
But they are all me.. Just totally different feelings..

Tonight, on the way home after group devotion, I suddenly realized why..
I think I'm an introvert.. Although people will see me as an extrovert..
Somehow I like the surroundings to have some sounds, not noise..
I like being with myself..
No matter there are people beside me or not.. No matter we are talking or not..
Now, there are people that you can be comfortable with even when you don't talk and the opposite..

I don't like awkward silence.. (And I can feel awkwardness easily even when people don't think it is..)
Maybe they don't see it, but whenever Rose doesn't talk, I feel that she has a lot of things inside but she doesn't want to say them out or it's just she can't (maybe we couldn't understand)..
So, I tend to talk a lot with them to make myself feel not so weird..
Eventually, I feel tired after everyday's interactions..
It's a different case in church, people talk a lot.. It's like they don't stop talking..
And I'll just listen.. I'll respond or speak when I need to or when I feel like it..

I need to adjust myself..

When the pressure of academic comes, it's in a way overwhelming..
It's just I tend to avoid it.. And things get worse..
Problems coming, but I'll face it..
With God's help, nothing is impossible.. :)