1st of April

1st of April
April Fool

Doesn't seem to be any different to me..
People would pull pranks on their friends and all..
Somehow, all my friends are too "serious" to actually do things like that..
Should I be happy or not? Haha!

As fun as it sounds, I had a rather serious day..
Settled two presentations today, which require a lot of "seriousness"..

I don't post a lot so, sometimes I tend to "compensate" by posting a few updates in a time.. Haha!
As I mentioned, my good friend got a boyfriend!
And I'm actually quite close with both of them.. Yea, so that's kind of a new experience..
And as it happens, I'm starting to think a lot about relationships..
With no conclusions, of course..

I would say I'm not ready for a relationship, still.. (Have been single the whole time.. xD)
However, at the same time, kinda tired of being alone, taking care of myself, being independent..
Especially when you're away from home and family..
I don't want my family to worry about me, so, always keeping things to myself..
I guess all who are away from home would understand this..
And I know, this is a stage in life, a process that all of us have to go through..

I'll be strong and go through it by myself..
I know I'm strong enough.. :)

Philosophy 101

Do people really change?
Are those changes permanent or temporary?

Sometimes, you'll find that people do change..
I'm not so sure if those changes are permanent though..
However, the core will never change.. That's for sure..

I'm getting more and more comfortable with things as it is now..
I've started not to like changes.. Not major ones, like friends, lifestyle..
There are always times when we have to change as the environment changes or the people around us change..
As all humans do, I need time to adapt to those changes..
I used to be highly adaptive, I still am..
It's just that I can get used to things with my behaviours, my thoughts need more time..

I wonder though..
Why would people change?
Or specifically, I'm asking, why would people change when they get a partner?

I'm experiencing the change of a good friend recently..
The changes are big..
I'm surprised and not so surprised at the same time..

Then I wonder,
will I change that much when I get a partner?
I want to say I won't.. But I'm not sure..
Who knows about the future, right?
Only God knows..

Therefore, I shall continue to observe their behaviours..
That's what a psychologist does, right?
As a future psychologist, I should start practicing.. *wink*

Just some random thoughts..
It has been sometime since I updated..
Been working on assignments like there's no tomorrow..
Finally there's time to rest..
Final exams are coming though..
Guess I just can't relax for so much now.. *sigh*

[I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.] - Philippians 4:13

姐姐

I wrote about my brother before, and now it's my sister..

It has been a long time since we actually spent quality time together..

I miss the times when we could actually play crazily together until I laugh so hard that I couldn't catch my breath..

And my mum would scold us for laughing like mad people and might cause our neighbours to think there's something happened in our house (she said)..

She read the post that I wrote about my brother, then said she's jealous..

Well, don't be..

I know we are not so attached and so close like we used to be anymore (we used to be best buddies~~), you're still my beloved sister..

I know things can never go back to how it was..

We've all grown up..

There's no turning back..

No more Hakuna Matata.. xD

We now have different priorities, facing different people, different situations everyday..

And, I'm gonna be an aunt soon!

There's no way I wouldn't be excited..

I wanna try and observe everything that I learnt from my class on her.. Haha!

But don't worry, there will be no harm.. :P

Remember those times when we will go for a walk after dinner?

And those times when we play The Sims; actually you're the one playing and I play with your hair..

That was my masterpiece! Haha!

I have to say, our age gap does make me missing out a lot of fun times with you guys..

And I went through my high school years without you..

I know we had very different experiences and our times are very different..

But if you were there, how would things turn out to be?

The sad thing that I can never do, is to go to the same school at the same time with you guys..

I don't know why, I always wished to do that..

The matter of actually having siblings in the same school, I wanted to experience that..

And remember you used to say that by the time I continue my higher education, you're going to pay for my bills and we can stay together?

That clearly didn't happen.. Haha!

Then, I went to PJ for foundation..

Initially, I thought we would be able to spend some time together, but clearly I was wrong..

You were so busy working, and you'll be too tired and lazy to go out during weekends..

And why would you choose to spend time with me when you can spend time with him?

And I knew my Jiebe is not only MY Jiebe anymore..

I lived there for a year with minimum involvement of Jiebe in my life..

Of course, she was a great help during the water rationing season.. Haha!

I can never live without that few liters of water..

I do appreciate that..

You know, Jiebe has always been the sister that will fulfill the desires and wants that I have..

Whenever I go out with her, she'll buy me something that I want or I like..

Honestly, I can live without those.. (although I wouldn't mind you buying them for me.. xD)

Even a home cooked meal could satisfy me, I would like to spend time to have a talk..

Heart-to-heart talk..

When was it since we last talk?

By talk, I don't mean talking about daily hassles, what silly dramas you've been watching to release some stress;

I mean something deeper, what have you been up to, what has been troubling you, and how are you..

I read your blog just now, and then I realised that it has been such a long time since I last read your blog..

The latest post was last year's Christmas season..

You said you don't know what happened to us..

I don't know either..

But you have a life of your own now, and you know daddy isn't the kind of guy that will call randomly just to see how you're doing..

And you don't call that often too.. At least to me..

Gebe always said that both of you have some sort of connection that we don't have..

Well, I couldn't help that either.. Guess that's why..

Things we talk about are just some silly dramas and some other random things..

Well, it's already a long post..

No matter what you think, I want you to know that I love you..

And I appreciate what you did for me..

It's different with you and with Gebe, so don't compare.. (Don't care if you are comparing or not..)

I've started to pray more lately, and I've been praying for you..

Go to church if you might..

Lastly, Jiebe 是 Gazat! :P

星期六晚上

今晚去了大专团契..
除了揭晓我们的小天使，还举行了欢送仪式..
要离开的人总共有15个，但是在场的只有有9个..
都是要去实习的学生和一些要毕业了的学生..
他们在台上排成了一排..

每个人都被要求要分享感言..
对实习生而言，可能离别情怀并没有那么深，
因为一个学期后他们依然会回来..
但是毕业生，毕业了，就离开了..
会否再见就是个未知数..

我才认识他们一个学期呢..
有一些根本就不认识..
他们就要离开了..

坐在台下，我多少有一点被那不舍的心情感染..
让我不禁想，三年后，我是否也会如此依依不舍?
台上的他们的感受，是现在在台下的我所不能理解的..
站在台上望下来的时候，看见的是什么?
感受到的是什么?

欢送会一办，就明显地倒数着他们呆在这里的日子了..
复杂的心情是，一边渴望着离开、去展开的旅程和新的生活；另一边却是依依不舍啊..
离别从来都不是容易的..

说些开心的事吧~
我的小天使即使在最后一天还是给了我一个礼物~
本来应该是小凡人回礼的，结果她给我的礼物是多么的美好啊!
跟我的手工礼物比起来，我的逊毙了.. ><! (想不到居然会用这个词.. 多久没用了啊!)

一直都想着要个闹钟呢，
一来，平时看时间就不需要用手机还是电脑啦!
二来，像手机坏掉的时刻，有闹钟就不用担心起不了床啦!

超感恩! (虽然华人迷信说不要送钟给人.. =.=)
可是这个闹钟就是个铁铮铮的好礼物啊!!
大爱!!! 感恩!!!

该睡觉了.. 明天还有主日崇拜呢~
刚好! 马来西亚，国庆日快乐! xD

哥哥

今天想写华文了..
总觉得，华文比较能够表达我的心情..
虽然文笔没有很好.. ><!

今天，跟Andrea跑完步，买好车票后，去帮哥哥搬家了..
九月，他还会留在同一个小镇，可却是另外一端..
收拾的时候，并没有觉得什么..

回家后，我开始有了一种失落感..
我来金宝一个学期了，一来到就有哥哥的陪伴..

话说，很多人都说爸爸是前世的情人..
哥哥呢?
我不知道我的爸爸是不是我的前世情人..
虽然我觉得应该找一个像我爸爸的人~
可是现在，我认为我哥哥也像是情人~

肚子饿了，他可以煮东西给我吃 (虽然不常 xD)..
懒惰了，他可以送食物给我..
无聊了，我们聊天..
累了，就睡他的床..
而且，在他面前可以肆无忌惮，不顾形象啊!
(这不是网络上常说的，能够很舒服地跟一个人在一起吗? =P)
有问题，我们可以谈，他总是能让我有所领悟..

他疼我，有时候甚至宠我，
可是有分寸啦，太宠也是不好的~ xD

可能因为，一来到这里就有他了..
就开始依赖他了~ ><!
实在是不行啊!

虽然他要离开去别的地方工作是无可避免的，
我一直以来也都知道，还以为我不会有什么感觉呢~
但离别在际，原来我还是需要一点时间去调适..
想想，很多我平常跟他一起做的事情，就不能做了..
以后经过他住过的家，就再也不能好奇，他在不在家、是不是在睡觉了..

我会想念你的, 哥哥~
像个男朋友的哥哥~!
我知道不一定每个哥哥都像你一样的~
所以我会好好珍惜!

祝你一切顺利! 上帝赐福给你哟! Muacks! xD

I love you!

Simple Simple Me

Simple like a baby~ :P

I'm not sure how many of you people know about that..
Maybe some..
What I think about myself is - I'm SIMPLE..

Simple in a way that I'm not stupid, of course..
Simple in a way that I'll not do a plot behind your back, I don't know how to..
Simple in a way that I'll not know if you are plotting against me..
Simple in a way that I'll trust you since the day I met you, until you prove me wrong..
Simple in a way that I'll not worry if anyone is plotting against me..

Yea, maybe you can say that I'm stupid or not using my brain or whatsoever people can say..
Yea, I might not be using my brain, I don't think much about how I treat people..
I don't want to.. Or it's just I'm lazy to..
To think so much about each person that I've met, that what those fellas have in mind of me, is just so TIRING!

I know human can be complicated, like really really complicated and having a lot of conflicts..
I won't know if something that someone does is planned or it's an accident..
I don't care..
You can say I'm selfish, because as long as whatever you do doesn't harm me, I don't freaking care!

I've always thought that we have to treat people sincerely..
Although there are unlovable people, we don't need to like them, we just have to love them..
LIKING is chemistry, LOVE is an act..
Be easier said than done..
I'm still learning..

Truth be told, sometimes, I hate certain traits of certain people, but I still try my best to communicate with them sincerely..
Somehow this comes easily to me, because I tend to forget their annoying traits for a while..
(Unless the traits are just annoying enough that I can't forget.. [not proud of that])
Conclusion, if you heard me complaining about certain people's trait but I still seem fine interacting with them, I'm NOT faking it..
I forget for a while..

Another thing is, you might know some annoying or not-so-good things that people done to other people..
And you want to warn me about it..
Unless you want to me stay far away from those people, don't tell me..
Don't even give a hint..
If you wanna tell, tell everything; if not, don't show me even an expression..
I don't want to put on high guards when I come into contact with them, worrying that they might do something harmful to me..
Your intention might be good.. But it'll jeopardize our friendship..
And by the end of the day, who are we to judge?

And somehow, I tend to stay away from big troubles..
I mean like, they don't really come to me..
At least, I've been in this way for as long as I have lived..

You know, when you treat people sincerely, they act the same..
This has been proved to be true, to me, so far..

I don't like faking, as I, myself already hate fakers..
And I like being "brainless" around my friends..
Well, that's what being with friends about, right?
And I'm just too lazy to think too much.. (But I like to talk about deep stuffs like life or whatsoever..)
So, yea..

A relationship that tires you, will not bring much happiness..
[Random quotes that I came up with, yet to be proven, quite confident that it is true.. XD]

A Sudden Realization

Haven't been updating my status..
Started my degree in May in Kampar.. Somewhere further from home compared to PJ..
At the same time, no friends except for Andrea and Rose..
A total strange place..

I had quite a hard time adjusting to the environment here..
Thank God that my brother is here, which makes things easier..

After talking to Rose about my difficulties in adjusting, I almost changed immediately from sad and emotional to cheerful and happy..
She said she was shocked to see someone change that fast..

Soon, I'm always the happy and cheerful girl in the class..
I think a lot of people perceive me that way now.. I mean in class, like for those who know me..

And for something what I'll definitely do is find a church here..
Church friends back in PJ said they know someone here, so suggested me to go to that church..
Well, not bad.. People in the church are friendly enough..
However, I'm always quiet in church..
Of course, when I get closer with them I tend to talk more, but in a very very slow pace..

I feel so different being in different settings..
It's like in campus, I'll automatically turn on the happy mode while in church I'll turn on the quiet mode..
It's so two-sided and it's so different..
Too different that I feel so weird and it should be like this..
It's like either I'm wearing a mask in campus or church..
But they are all me.. Just totally different feelings..

Tonight, on the way home after group devotion, I suddenly realized why..
I think I'm an introvert.. Although people will see me as an extrovert..
Somehow I like the surroundings to have some sounds, not noise..
I like being with myself..
No matter there are people beside me or not.. No matter we are talking or not..
Now, there are people that you can be comfortable with even when you don't talk and the opposite..

I don't like awkward silence.. (And I can feel awkwardness easily even when people don't think it is..)
Maybe they don't see it, but whenever Rose doesn't talk, I feel that she has a lot of things inside but she doesn't want to say them out or it's just she can't (maybe we couldn't understand)..
So, I tend to talk a lot with them to make myself feel not so weird..
Eventually, I feel tired after everyday's interactions..
It's a different case in church, people talk a lot.. It's like they don't stop talking..
And I'll just listen.. I'll respond or speak when I need to or when I feel like it..

I need to adjust myself..

When the pressure of academic comes, it's in a way overwhelming..
It's just I tend to avoid it.. And things get worse..
Problems coming, but I'll face it..
With God's help, nothing is impossible.. :)